How Divorce Affects Your Kids

Most adults have had to come to grips with the idea that divorce is a fact of life. Though it isn’t something everyone will experience personally, we all know or will know someone going through it. As a result, it’s something we’ve come to accept can happen to everyone. It also means people work very hard to keep their marriages stable and avoid some of the pitfalls that lead to divorce. But the problem with divorce is, the people it affects the most aren’t equipped with the maturity to deal with it. Children are the people who are hurt the most by divorce.

Growing up in two-parent household and then having that change can be very hard for kids to adjust to. As parents, you have to remember that no matter what, your priority should be your children. So even if you resent each other or are angry with each other, you should make sure your child isn’t victimized by divorce. There is a way to go through a divorce without making it extremely traumatic for your children. In order to know this, you have to be aware of the ways divorce impacts your children so you can help them through it. Here are some of the effects of divorce.

Feeling Guilty  

One of the first thing a child will feel during a divorce is that it’s their fault. In a young mind, the divorce is caused by them, whether it’s something they said and what they did. They will feel like their family is falling apart and since it’s their fault, they can do something to change it. He or she might promise to start cleaning their room and doing their homework on time. It’s crucial that you make sure your kid knows that this has nothing to do with them, that they have been nothing but perfect and amazing.

Guilt can also manifest in the case of custody disputes. Imagine what it’s like when the two people you love the most are fighting over you. It will certainly create a lot of guilty feelings, and it’s important that through that custody dispute you do what’s best for your kid. If your ex is a good parent, choose to co-parent instead of taking custody completely. According to Mark Rees, divorce attorney in Jonesboro, “In any divorce children need special care and attention. If you and your spouse have minor children, your divorce needs to address the needs and well-being of your children. You have to be aware of the emotional sensitivities they will endure during the divorce process, and reduce as much of the stress and suffering they could be exposed to.” When you’re looking at different lawyers in your divorce, choose people who care about the children and not just winning.

Feeling Unloved

When parents spend a lot of time focusing on the divorce and the breakup of the marriage, the impact could be children feeling unloved. As mentioned earlier, children very often think divorce is their fault, and that can lead to them feeling unworthy of love, or like they can never be happy. As a parent, you will have to mitigate this by making your child feel loved, heard and paid attention to. If need be, you might need to get them to sit down with a therapist and talk through their feelings.

Feeling Unsettled

As a child of a divorce, one of the biggest changes is going from having one home to having 2 places to live. This is challenging because it creates a feeling of instability, and having to get used to a new normal. As fun as having to bedrooms is, it can be hard to really figure out what their true home is, and generally moving to a new home is a hard thing to go through. As parents, you have to make this transition as seamless as possible, whether you decide to live nearer to your ex or make sure your kid has everything they need in each house. It will take time for them to get used to the new normal, and you need to help them along.

Divorce is a huge life change for adults, so imagine just how hard it is for children. As parents going through a divorce, make sure you are looking at how your children are coping, asking them questions to make sure their okay and taking measures to help them if they are struggling. Ultimately, whether you and your former spouse are together, you are parents before anything else, and should always keep that in mind.

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