If you’re going through a breakup, you know that unpleasant emotions tend to hang over you like a dark cloud. You may feel a range of overwhelming feelings, from rage to shame. However, some are more difficult to handle than others.
Here are the three emotions you’ll find are the hardest to overcome after a relationship falls apart. It’s tempting to suppress these emotions with the hope of just getting over them in good time, but that is the last thing you should do when dealing with relationship grief. Instead, you’ll need to tackle these emotions face-on.
1. Denial or Self-Blame
Accepting your feelings is the most powerful step in the healing process. It’s where your journey towards growth and change begins. However, it’s very challenging for most people to accept that the relationship has fallen apart for good or that the other person has caused them pain.
The best way to work towards acceptance is to create a space where you allow yourself to process anger, hurt, denial, depression, and how you are enacting blame. Remember that you will not move on if you suppress these feelings. To heal, you have to have the courage to acknowledge the hurt you’re experiencing and the full range of emotions you’re capable of.
Do not chastise yourself if you find yourself taking a step back after a pivotal breakthrough. Instead, acceptance requires a consistent willingness to engage with how you feel at the current moment.
2. Obsessive Thoughts
Obsessing over the circumstances will prevent you from moving through the grief. If you find yourself stuck in a thought loop, talk it out with someone you trust or focus on a demanding task until it subsides.
You should build healthy habits that will propel you forward while allowing you to grieve without obsessing over how well you are healing. Take this time to engage in new hobbies or old ones that you put aside. Invest in a daily self-care routine that offers structure during this transitional phase in your life.
You may also find relief from obsessive thoughts by spending time with supportive family and friends. You want to surround yourself with people who will not leave you feeling dismissed. Find a balance that allows you time to reflect but doesn’t encourage isolation or hyper-fixation to avoid confronting your feelings.
3. Anger
The concept of closure implies that once you have finished grieving and feel healed, you will no longer experience the hurt. However, it’s common for people to still experience bouts of anger long after they have moved on from their relationship grief.
Remember that unexpected reminders of the past do not negate any of the steps you have taken to move on, and that anger is natural. Some memories will stick with you, but you can reconstruct them to serve you better. You will not always get to choose how or when a relationship ends, but you can control how you move forward.
Never feel guilty for being angry about how your life used to look. Anger is a healthy emotion felt as you process your loss. Keep the memories that bring you closer to your most idealized self, but let go of the rest. Finding closure is being able to continue despite the reminders of grief.
Conclusion
Denial or self-blame, obsessive thoughts, and anger are the feelings most find hardest to overcome after a breakup. The silver lining is that you will heal with patience, courage, and hard work.
Keep in mind that many people have experienced relationship grief and can offer guidance to help you conquer your feelings. Consider talking to a specialist about your relationship grief to overcome these three emotions and find inner peace from this stressful situation.
I’m a 20-something stay-at-home mother and wife. I have an amazing husband, a beautiful daughter, two loving dogs, and a lazy cat. I wouldn’t change my life for anything! I love to read, listen to music, cook and blog!
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