Being a single mom is one of the most difficult roles you can take up and, if you’re looking to get divorced, you’re already well on your way to becoming one. The realization, alone, can make you doubt your decision and shake you to the core. Is separating really a good idea? How are you supposed to manage divorce and single motherhood all at once?
To say you’re overwhelmed would be an understatement. However, you can quell some of your fears by doing your best to prepare for this massive life change. As grim as the situation may appear, there is hope for moms seeking a divorce, and the following tips will help them find it.
1. Know Your Rights
Education is power, especially when you’re a single mom filing for divorce. Even those who have been through the process before won’t know or understand everything. In the midst of all this chaos, it’s easy to let fear and panic get the best of you. Luckily, educating yourself and knowing your rights can help you remain calm.
Do you qualify for spousal support or alimony? How does child custody work in your state? Do your research, ask lots of questions and, eventually, you’ll start to feel more in control of the situation.
2. Learn About Co-Parenting
Experts agree that co-parenting is good for kids so long as both parents are healthy, functioning adults. However, issues may arise if your ex is abusive, negligent or struggling with addiction. In this case, co-parenting might cause more issues than it’s worth.
If you think you’d like to co-parent, learn more about how you can work with your ex to make it happen. A divorce attorney can help you determine how to best communicate with your spouse during the proceedings, too. If you can find a way to work together now, you’ll set yourself up for a successful co-parenting relationship post-divorce.
3. Set Boundaries
With your ex, you’ll always have your children in common, but that doesn’t mean you should put up with the same old, same old. Rather, you should set and enforce boundaries to maintain a healthy distance, especially in the weeks and months following the divorce.
For example, if receiving daily texts from them stresses you out, resort to using email for all further communication. Maybe they like to come in and visit when they drop the kids off and it makes your heart hurt. Then stop them at the door and send them home. Sacrificing your happiness just to preserve some sense of normalcy isn’t worth it. Besides, you divorced them to escape them, not meet up and talk more often.
4. Seek Perspective
Many women worry about how others might perceive them when they finally decide to get a divorce. Yet, it’s often outsider perspectives that shed the most light on the situation. Hearing someone else reflect on your circumstances can be powerful, especially when they validate your feelings and offer full support. If your friends and family love you, they’ll do just that. Seek perspective from people you trust and you’re sure to regain at least a sliver of sanity.
5. Rethink Your Budget
It can be tempting to book weekend getaways and buy toys for your kids just to take your minds off the divorce. However, these luxuries may be out of reach in a single-income household. Hiring a lawyer and going through divorce proceedings is expensive, too, so you must rethink your budget before you run out of savings. Consider your cash flow and plan for the long term as you adjust your priorities.
6. Prioritize Your Wellbeing
Divorce can completely destroy your mental emotional and physical wellbeing if you let it. Fail to take care of yourself during this difficult time and you’ll end up feeling helpless, angry, sad and, ultimately, burnt out. You need to stay strong for yourself and your kids right now, so you must prioritize your wellbeing any way you can.
Maybe that means taking five deep breaths each morning or meal prepping healthier dinners. Consulting a therapist in your area to help in dealing with your emotions, working out and getting enough sleep will help you feel more yourself, too.
7. Feel Your Feelings
Self-care is incredibly beneficial, that is until you start using it as a distraction. At some point or another, you might find yourself reading a book, going for a run or cooking a healthy meal to avoid sitting with negative emotions. Yet, if you want a life full of light, positivity and meaning, you must be willing to sit with the darkness within.
Feel the anger, sadness and resentment in every fiber of your being. Let those emotions pass through and you’ll find you have more room for goodness later on.
Hang In There, Mama
You can’t see your silver lining in advance, but know that there is one. Things might seem bleak right now, but it’s important to remember that today is not your forever and good things await you. In time, you’ll realize and appreciate them with a deeper sense of gratitude than ever before. So hang in there, mama, take things one step at a time and know that your fellow females are cheering you on.
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