Let’s face it, being a boy mom is amazingand no, it’s not because boys are somehow better than girls. It’s also not because you get to skip the awkward period talk (but real talk, is anyone else breathing a huge sigh of relief at that?). Oh, and it’s definitely not because you’re sad over having missed out on the experience of raising a girl, as your MIL so nicely puts it. Our family is perfectly complete without a girl, thank you very much.No, you’re happy to be a boy mom because you’ve come to learn that there’s something undeniably special about being a mama to a little boy. Sure, not everyone’s experience raising boys is the same. That being said, here are 10 signs you might just be a boy mom.
- You’ve been peed on more times than you can count.
Why does no one warn you about boys peeing on the changing table? WHY? Once that diaper comes off, it’s pee everywhere. On him. On you. On the dog. For months, you accepted your urine-soaked state, until finally, your fellow boy mom clued you in on a few tricks. Run a cold wet wipe down his belly before you change him (it will make him pee in his diaper). Place a clean diaper over his bits to block the flow. And, of course, the hose to toes mantra that all boy moms live by. Point his penis downwards so he doesn’t pee on his belly (and you).
- You know the names of every ninja turtle.
Not only do you know the names of every ninja turtle, you know which colors are associated with each one. You also know which weapons they use, and that Michelangelo is the one that loves pizza. Also, you’ve purchased a plastic turtle shell and knee pads for your son. Not for Halloween, but just so he can walk around going hiyah! and live out his true destiny as a crime-fighting turtle.
- You’ve become a total pro at stain removal.
Grass, mud, blood, and something that you really, really hope is chocolate just magically seem to appear on his clothes, no matter what the activity. At this point, you’re more impressed than anything else. How did he even manage to get grass and mud stains on the new boys’ golf clothes you got for him? Was he having a wrestling match on the green? It’s truly one of life’s great mysteries.With a little research and plenty of help from your fellow boy moms, you’ve mastered the art of getting out any stain. Now, when he comes home with fruit juice all down his front, you don’t sweat it anymore because your pre-treatment skills are FIRE.
- You’ve purchased clothing to match his sound effects.
Your son is scarily good at roars, growls and other animal noises. He’s so good at it that you’ve gone out and bought him a dinosaur hoodie or a tiger shirt just to help him unleash his inner beast. When it comes time to choose his #OOTD, you ask him, What’ll it be today? Elephant, tiger or lion? He then replies in the appropriate animal noise, which you have no trouble deciphering. Like we said, he’s just that good.
- His nonstop climbing on everything gives you major anxiety.
Can it be climbed? Then he will climb it. Can it not be climbed? He will try to climb it anyway, which is partly why you live in a constant state of anxiety. Everything is his personal jungle gym and he seems to have no fear whatsoever. To solve the problem, you’ve considered doing at least one of the following: 1) getting him one of those weird, kid leashes (until you remembered this guy who got majorly judged for it, and decided eh, better not); 2) keeping him in a plastic bubble at all times; and 3) contributing more to your HSA for the inevitable hospital visits.
- Fruit loops are your potty training tool of choice.
After wiping pee off your bathroom floor and toilet seat for what seems like the millionth time, you’ve decided to try the ol’ fruit loop trick, where you toss fruit loops into the potty and tell your boy to aim at them. Guess what? It worked! You’re so happy you could do a little dance right then and there.Until, that is, your husband suddenly came home from work and your boy looked excitedly over his shoulder. Whelp, time to get out the paper towels and 409 again…
- His summer wardrobe is nothing but activewear.
Your son doesn’t care about fashion at all. What he does care about is being comfortable, which is why he’s suddenly turned up his nose at the adorable button down shirts and khaki pants you got for him. Now, he just wants to live in his athletic shorts for the summer. Honestly, you’re okay with it. You’d much rather pick him up some boys’ activewear that he can roughhouse in and save his nicer clothes for the school year, anyway. He’s happy. You’re happy. It’s a win-win.
- You’ve come to accept that nothing will ever be as funny as a fart joke.
What is it about bodily functions that makes boys erupt into hysterical laughter every time? Who knows, but it definitely comes in handy for when you need to cheer him up or get him to smile for a picture. All you need to do is tell a fart joke or make the noise with your mouth and he’s in stitches on the floor. And if your husband actually farts in front of him? Comedic gold, right there.
- Everyone asks you, So, when are you having a girl?
Ah, yes. One of the most annoying questions you can possibly ask a boy mom. If you have two boys, then you’ll probably get asked this a lot. Answers to said question include, When being a boy mom stops being so awesome, IDK, it’s my husband’s sperm that decides the gender and (a personal favorite) Mind your own business.
- His sweet gestures make your heart melt every time.
He gives you the best cuddles in the entire world. He picks dandelions and other noxious weeds to the point where your pockets are stuffed with them. Oh, and he’s definitely asked if he can just marry you when he’s older instead of some gross girl with cooties. You love and cherish every minute of these insanely sweet gestures because you know they’ll fade as he grows older. But if you play your cards right, he’ll grow into a kind and thoughtful young man who never outgrows his mama’s loving arms.
I’m a 20-something stay-at-home mother and wife. I have an amazing husband, a beautiful daughter, two loving dogs, and a lazy cat. I wouldn’t change my life for anything! I love to read, listen to music, cook and blog!
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