Navigating a divorce is stressful for everyone involved. Even if you no longer have feelings for the person to whom you were married, it’s still normal to grieve the life you thought you were going to have.
With so many financial, emotional, and life-changing implications, it’s easy to fall into a toxic discourse with your ex during the divorce proceedings. Staying amicable will save you both time, money, and stress as you work through this challenging situation.
Here are some practical tips to help you stay amicable during a divorce.
Hire a Skilled Attorney
Many couples try to take a DIY approach during a divorce to save money on legal fees. The challenge with this approach is that it isn’t always fair, and the slightest molehill can quickly become a mountain. In other words, a simple disagreement over a chess set that neither of you uses but both somehow want can unravel the entire process.
According to the legal experts at the law offices of Thomas Stahl, a divorce attorney in Columbia, MD, calling an attorney should always be the first step when you’re thinking of a divorce. Even if you choose to take the DIY route later, you need to understand what everyone is entitled to if you wish to pursue this fairly. Having an attorney on your side can also help you limit communications with the other party so you can focus on healing and moving forward.
Set Boundaries for Yourself and Others
Setting boundaries with your ex is a must for staying amicable while divorcing. You need to be clear on what you’re willing to discuss and when. Additionally, you need to be realistic and apply the same set of boundaries to yourself.
Setting boundaries for yourself means not pursuing more information about what your ex is doing now that you’ve separated. Scrolling through social media looking for clues about their life after you helps no one.
People outside of your relationship will often try to interject and share or collect information. Sometimes, the most well-meaning friends can do the most damage. Get clear on what information you’re willing to discuss. If someone in your circle starts sharing gossip with you, be firm in saying that it isn’t helpful to you at this time.
Respond Instead of Reacting
Even the most amicable relationships sometimes run into conflict. If your ex says or does something that upsets you, it’s integral to take a step back and breathe before responding. Being reactive will only fuel the argument and create bigger long-term issues.
Instead, take some space and formulate a mature response that expresses your emotions. Remember to solidify your boundaries if necessary.
Seek Emotional and Psychological Support
Create a circle of support as you work through this difficult situation, and don’t hesitate to consult a professional. A therapist or counselor can help you identify your emotions and work through them in a healthy way. Sometimes it’s beneficial to have a neutral third party with no preconceived notions that you can discuss the situation with.
Prioritize Your Children
If you and your partner have children, remember that their overall health and well-being should be the top priority. Whenever you feel yourself getting pulled into a situation that could cause them pain, do your best to course-correct.
As much as it hurts to create a shared custody agreement, remember that they deserve to have a relationship with both parents and as much stability as possible.
Be Respectful in Your Words and Actions
Take the high road whenever possible, even if your ex decides to go another direction. Be respectful when discussing your ex near your children, even if they have done something to make themselves unworthy of that respect. Save your anger and vent sessions for times when little ears aren’t around.
Look to the Future
Finally, focus on the future rather than the past. Consider what you want your new life to look like, what hobbies and skills you’d like to try, what traditions you want to create. Looking ahead will help give you direction and create a positive mindset while you handle the difficult aspects of a divorce.
Even an amicable divorce isn’t easy. It’s natural to experience a range of emotions and not always present your best self. However, the more amicable and cooperative you can be throughout the process, the smoother it will go.
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