The divorce rate rose in 2022 to 14.56 divorces per 1,000 married women. Around 50% of children in the US will experience a divorce at some point, which is incredibly difficult for them. As a parent, you want to make the divorce process as smooth as possible for your kids.
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Here are 5 tips to help make the divorce less painful for your children:
Be Honest in an Age-Appropriate Way
When breaking the news about your divorce, be honest with your kids in an age-appropriate way. Don’t try to hide the truth from them – they will likely sense something is wrong. But avoid graphic details that may only confuse or scare them. Reassure younger children that they will still be loved and cared for by both parents. Older kids may want more specifics on how their daily lives will change. Give the details they ask for, but don’t overload them.
Maintain Their Routines
Try to keep your children’s routines as normal as possible during the divorce process. Keeping the same schedules and activities can provide comfort and stability when their world feels turned upside down. If they must switch schools, give them time to say goodbye to friends. When visitation schedules change, transition gradually if you can. The less disruption to their normalcy, the better.
Put Your Differences Aside
Divorce is traumatic for children and between 15% and 43% of girls experience trauma, of which 3-15% of them go on to develop PTSD. Do not badmouth your ex-spouse in front of your children. No matter the bitterness between you two, don’t make them feel like they have to pick sides. Never use them as messengers between you and your ex. Present a united front and communicate directly with your ex about issues regarding the kids. Seeking professional counseling can help diffuse anger and resentment – 23% of divorces cite domestic abuse as a factor. Many divorce lawyers offer mediation services to smooth things along, so work with an experienced divorce attorney to facilitate smoother transitions and ensure the best outcomes for you and your children.
Let Them Express Their Feelings
The emotions surrounding divorce can be complex for kids. Give them opportunities to express how they are feeling in a safe environment. Art projects, journals, or just open discussions can help them process the grief and fear that may arise. Validate their feelings by listening without judgment. Also, reassure them the divorce is not their fault – children often blame themselves. Getting feelings out in the open can prevent future behavioral issues.
Lean on Your Support System
Don’t isolate yourself and your kids during this difficult transition. Rely on family, friends, clergy, or support groups to help you through. Joining a support group lets your children interact with others going through the same challenges. They can share experiences, feel less alone and learn coping strategies from peers. Self-care is also crucial – make time for yourself when you can so you can be fully present for your kids when they need you most.
The divorce process is always hard on children, but keeping these tips in mind can ease the transition. With time, honesty, and support, families can adjust to the new normal. Staying focused on your kids’ wellbeing will help them feel secure, and set them up to thrive despite the challenges of divorce.
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