Dealing with child custody with a former partner can be one of the most stressful and overwhelming things you go through. You may also have misconceptions about what custody is and what it isn’t.
Ideally, you should try to settle outside of court with your former partner because that gives you freedom and flexibility in how you raise your children.
If you can’t, then a judge ultimately decides, and below are some of the different custody scenarios that might be granted and key terms to know.
Legal Custody
Legal custody is a situation where you have the legal right to make big decisions on behalf of your child. These decisions can include the religious upbringing a child may have, non-emergency medical decisions, and where the child will go to school.
With sole legal custody, only one parent has the legal authority to make decisions. Joint legal custody means that both parents have the right to make decisions, and it’s possible to have joint legal custody without joint physical custody.
Physical Custody
Physical custody is sometimes called residential custody, and it’s a term referring to where a child lives most of the time.
Sole physical custody means that a child lives in one location. The non-custodial parent usually has visitation rights.
With joint physical custody, also called shared custody, a child will live with each parent for a portion of the time. The time spent at both parents’ homes is close to equal.
There’s another term too, which is bird’s nest custody. In this situation, a child would live in the same home, and then parents move in and out based on their custody schedule.
Visitation
Visitation is a term referencing the time a parent without physical custody sees their child.
Most parents have unsupervised visitation, so they can take their kids to their homes. Supervised visitation means that another adult has to be present for all visits, such as a grandparent, or in some cases, a social worker. Virtual visitation may be used if a parent and child live far from one another.
Sole Custody
One parent can have sole legal or sole physical custody of a child. This is usually when a parent is deemed by a court to be unfit, perhaps because of something like drug abuse or physical abuse.
Most courts try to avoid sole custody, however. The goal of modern courts is to have both parents involved in a child’s life as much as possible.
If a court awards sole custody, there is often still joint legal custody. Then noncustodial parent also tends to have pretty permissive and extensive visitation rights.
Joint Custody
Parents with joint custody arrangements may include varying patterns.
For example, some joint custody arrangements have children splitting weeks between each parents’ home.
In other cases, they alternate months, and holidays are usually alternated as well.
While joint custody has disadvantages, including the fact that children go back and forth and the problems that arise from parents who don’t get along, overall, it can be preferable whenever it can logistically work.
Types of Custody Schedules
The above are general legal custody arrangements, but you have to have a specific schedule as well. Very few families can make things work without one.
Examples of 50-50 schedules commonly used include:
- Alternating weeks: Also called week-on, week-off, an alternating week schedule has pros like the extended period both parents have with the child and limited exchanges. It’s also a consistent schedule. The cons are the fact that parents have to live within a reasonable distance from one another, and it may be hard for parents to be apart from their child for a week at a time.
- 2-2-3: With this schedule, a child lives with one parent for two days, two days with the other, back to the first parent for three days, and then it switches. Pros of this include the fact that children get a lot of time with both parents and still don’t have to go long between visits. The cons include frequent exchanges and the lack of stability for the child.
- Extended weekend: Following this schedule means a child spends weekdays with one parent and weekends with the other. When you take school out of it, both parents have approximately equal time.
Overall, if you’re facing a child custody situation, you should learn as much as you can and make sure you have an experienced attorney on your side as you go through the process.
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