It’s Not Goodbye, It’s See You Later

If you follow my blog, you know that my dear mother passed away May 10th.  Losing her has been the most difficult thing I have ever gone through, and I have been through a lot in my 22 years already.  My mom was my best friend, my everything.  She was always the first person I went to when I had good news (after my husband, of course) and the one I went to for advice.  She taught me so much.  To treat people the way you want to be treated and to always stand up for yourself and your family, among many, many other lessons.  It’s going to be so hard to not be able to call her when things arise that I usually talked to her about.  I’ve dealt with that every day since.  We would usually talk for an hour, at least, on the phone every day.

Sorry, I had to take a break.  The tears started to fall again.

Tuesday, May 14th was the funeral.  In the days leading up to it, I really did not know how I was going to get through it without being a crying mess.  I did well during the visitation.  I got to meet family members I have unfortunately not gotten to know due to unfortunate circumstances and meet friends of family.  Plus I got to see friends I haven’t seen in awhile.  It was really nice.  And everybody had nothing but nice things to say about my mom.  It meant the world to me that all these people showed up.  My dad and I, honestly, did not expect as many people to show up that did.  It was a nice surprise.  You really do find out who your true family and friends are when tough times hit.  I am very blessed.

The days and months and holidays coming up are going to be so difficult.  My birthday is coming up in a little over a month and she would always call me in the morning and sing Happy Birthday to me.  I never realized I would miss that so much, but I know I will.  And having her at every holiday… It tears me apart.  What really hurts me, though, is that Riley is never going to remember her grandma.  That hurts me more than anything.  My mom loved being with Riley.  Whenever Riley was around, she just lit up.

I better stop before the tears start falling again… I really do not know what the point of this post was, expect to get some of my feelings out.  I feel bad for the people around me.  I know I am depressed right now.  I know I’m not the funnest person to be around.

I know my blog is named Optimistic Mommy.  The first couple of weeks have been hard to be optimistic about anything, to be completely honest.  I keep thinking about the things we had planned and the things we’ll never get to do together again.  But I know that we’ll be together again one day.  It’s never goodbye… so, I’ll see you later, mom.  I love you.

It's Not Goodbye, It's See You Later | RIP MomRIP Deborah Hendren
04/24/1951-03/10/2013

Comments

  1. courtney hennagir says:

    no words are ever “right”,so i will just say that i am thinking of you.and what a beautiful picture! that little girl has one heck of a guardian angel now! sending so much love and hugs your way.

  2. This makes me cry too. Thank you for sharing this part of your life. This is one of those moments when we realize more how to value our loved ones while they are still here.

    Yes, you’re right. The coming days might be hard, but I will pray for you sister. God bless you.

  3. Donna Cheatle says:

    God bless your poor broken heart! I read this and the tears just started to flow. You see, I’m dealing with the same thing. I lost my mom last year. A lot of days I can deal. Some days though, it just runs me right over and the tears come out of nowhere. What I’ve found to be helpful in learning to live with the loss is to deliberately turn my thoughts to a happy memory of her. It’s amazingly easy to do. I have things all over the house that spark good memories for me. It really does help to keep the memories positive and not get buried under the weight of the loss. I also hope it helps to know that your readers and followers are sending you positive thoughts and keeping you in their prayers. Take care!

  4. I think this was a very optimistic post. You WILL see her again and knowing why she was a great mom, you will be a great mom too!

    🙂
    Lisa

  5. I am really sorry for your loss 🙁

    trisha

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