Perhaps the most invisible grief is the one that happens when parents suffer a loss of a pregnancy. With a miscarriage, especially when it’s early, most often friends and family won’t know about it unless the parents choose to tell them.
Just because the grief is invisible to the people around them, doesn’t mean the suffering isn’t real and devastating.
If you find about a friend or loved one’s miscarriage, don’t leave them hurting in isolation. Reach out and let them know you care and that they are in your heart.
First, send them a text or a note and speak straight from the heart. Let them know you’re hurting for them.
A small gift can also show them they’re not alone, but without being intrusive until they’re ready to talk.
1. A Book That Shares Experiences
The book About What Was Lost: Twenty Writers on Miscarriage, Healing, and Hope by Jessica Berger Gross will remind your loved one that they aren’t alone. As the various writers share their experiences, your friend will more thoroughly understand her own loss.
In the description of the book we read, many women are surprised to find that instead of simply grieving the end of a pregnancy, they feel as if they are mourning the loss of a child. Taken aback by their sorrow, they seek solace in similar perspectivesonly to find that silence and lingering stigma surround the topic. Revealing a wide spectrum of experiences and perspectives, this powerful collection offers comfort and community for the millions of women (and their loved ones) who experience this all-too-common kind of loss every year.
2. A Gift Box Geared to Bereaved Parents
A miscarriage gift box from at laurelbox is full of carefully curated items that are designed to show someone who has lost a child that they are not alone.
According to the website, Our gift boxes are tailored specifically to be given as gifts for grieving mothers and are a wonderful way to express your love for them at a time when finding the right words can be challenging. Give a baby loss gift that will help bring some peace and reflection to help carry them through this time of grief and loss, and show them that they have you as a source of strength and support.
You can choose gifts from their collection and create a box geared specifically towards your loved one, or purchase a box they’ve prepared for you.
3. Dinner
They may not be ready to see anyone, and if that’s the case you can send dinner over from their favorite restaurant rather than bringing over your signature home-cooked meal.
Once they are ready to see people, you can move on to the next two.
4. Housework Help
If you’re close enough to the bereaved parents that you know when they’re ready to see you, head over and fold some laundry. If the mother is ready to talk, great. If not, just be there. Let them know you’re there for them.
5. Do Something to Show Remembrance.
- Go with the mother and plant a tree in honor of the lost child.
- Pick a cause that revolves around taking care of children and advocate
- Go with the parent to get them a tattoo they’ve picked out to wear for their child
- Name a star after the child
- Anything else that you can think of that might help
Good luck! Remember, the worst thing you can do is to pretend nothing happened. But be mindful of your friend’s way of dealing with the loss, and follow their lead.
I’m a 20-something stay-at-home mother and wife. I have an amazing husband, a beautiful daughter, two loving dogs, and a lazy cat. I wouldn’t change my life for anything! I love to read, listen to music, cook and blog!
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