Taking in a foster child is a big responsibility and it gets even bigger if you have your own family to raise and support. There are several challenges that you may face once you get the child home, right from space constraints to behavioral issues, sibling rivalries, and more. While you may be prepared for some of these challenges, others might catch you unawares and leave you completely baffled. So what can you do to overcome such issues? Is there a magic formula to make you a successful foster parent? Well, there is nothing like that but the best approach would be to be prepared. This is easy to do if you know what to expect before taking the plunge. Let us help you recognize some major and minor lifestyle changes that you can expect once you get a foster child home.
- You will need to deal with behavioral issues
To start with, you will have to deal with behavioral issues of the new member of your family. Most of these children come from troubled families or backgrounds and have tough time adjusting in new environments. Consequently, they make things tough for the others too and you will be at the receiving end as well. Tantrums are common with younger children while the older ones may exhibit a resentful attitude.
Things get even tougher if you have your biological children at home. They may feel restless or their behavior may also be changed when they see the foster siblings behaving weirdly. It is best to have a compassionate attitude as a parent. Give time to your children and the foster child as well and treat them with empathy.
- Get ready for monthly appointments
Another change that you can expect when you take the responsibility of a foster parent will be appointments that will be scheduled for the child. Agencies schedule repeated appointments to ensure the child’s well-being and safety and you will have to accompany them on each of the appointments every time.
Be prepared to fit these calls in your schedule, even if you have to skip the responsibilities at work or at home. You may even have to attend some last-minute appointments, which can be another challenge that you will need to address as a foster parent.
- Be prepared for social worker visits
Besides counseling appointments by the foster care agency, you will also have social workers visiting your home from time to time to check on the child. This is a norm with fostering as they come to ensure that the child is feeling safe and adjusting well in the family. The thought of being evaluated as a parent may be unnerving, but this is something that comes as a part of the deal.
You need to be prepared to have individuals and teams coming to your place and assessing how well the child is bonding with you and your family. Remember that they are just doing their job and cooperate with them in every way you can.
- Know that corporal punishment is not allowed
Maintaining discipline at home is every parent’s duty as it teaches values to children and ensures that they become good human beings. But corporal punishment is the worst way to cultivate discipline and is absolutely unacceptable if you are a foster parent. If you do spank your own kinds, this is one habit that you will have to give up once you take the decision of bringing home a foster child.
Fostering a child, therefore, will probably bring some changes in the disciplinary measures that you take at home. You will have to be gentler with your own children as well because there should be no inconsistency in parenting. However, you should still be firm and assertive.
- Expect changes in the way you travel
Traveling with a foster child will not be as simple as packing your bags and boarding a plane. You may need to take permissions from the authorities in some special circumstances, such as taking the child to another state. Day travels may just require you to give a call and inform the social worker but out of state travel needs special permissions from the agencies or the court.
Similarly, things may get a little complicated if you are going on an adventure trip as foster children are not allowed to be a part of risky activities such as skiing and river rafting. If the social workers think it to be apt, they may allow them to do so with a special permission.
- Your daily schedules will change as well
Besides these major lifestyle adjustments, there will also be some small changes in your daily schedule. This can be a big challenge if you are already not a parent because children need consistent schedules in terms of timings for eating, sleeping, doing their homeworks, and the entire set of daily activities they follow.
Fostering will change your daily life drastically, if this is your first child as you will need to take on a different responsibility now. You cannot expect late nights or waking up late on the weekends. You will also have to get the meals ready on time and homework done every morning.
- Expect your home to look different now
A new young member added to the family means lesser space and more mess and noise in your home. So you can expect things to change a lot, particularly if there are no children at home or they are grown up enough to manage things on their own. If the foster child is young, there will be added responsibilities of feeding, potty training, and putting them to the bed.
You can expect some help from the older children and your spouse, but it is best to know the additional stresses and responsibilities that come with fostering. Fights and sibling rivalries will be common and you will need a lot of patience to handle them.
Understanding that life will never be the same after you take up fostering is very important. Also, you should learn to look at the brighter side of things because the rewards of caring for a foster child are much greater than the challenges it brings.
I’m a 20-something stay-at-home mother and wife. I have an amazing husband, a beautiful daughter, two loving dogs, and a lazy cat. I wouldn’t change my life for anything! I love to read, listen to music, cook and blog!
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