Divorce is a serious challenge for family relationships. Once your kids hear you are to complete divorce package and move apart with your soon-to-be-ex, they consider it as a sign that they are not wanted as well.
So, it is vital to maintain qualitative family relationship on all the stages of divorce and even strengthen it afterwards. Either you want it or not in this case you need to communicate and cooperate with your ex-partner to provide your kids with attention and care from both parents.
Adult Issues to Be Left Between Adults
The first golden rule is to keep adult things and talks away from children. It is good to keep them up to date with general divorce details if your children are adult enough. But they sure don?t need to know about your urgent plans for a fast online divorce to get away from each other as fast as possible or financial hurdles and battles you are going through to get a beneficial position for each of you.
More to this, some children may be extra supportive and encourage you to let the burden off your shoulders and tell them your divorce worries. But your kids are not the right people to take all the dirt you are going through. It will only harm them. You have plenty of specialists to dwell on your problems with.
Don?t Argue in Front of Kids
It is highly relevant in the period of dealing with divorce preparation services. You are almost divorced, but you still have to live together, unless you have already moved out. Emotional tension, constant business with the divorce and supplementing issues, high-stress level, all this make co-living with your soon-to-be-ex hardly possible. So, there is no wonder, that from time to time you burst out screaming at each other to release your emotions and thoughts piling up.?
Maybe you feel better or satisfied letting everything out, but your children get the opposite effect. Being disappointed with your divorce, your kids get harmed with your quarrels even more, which may result in mental and physical distortions later. Try to deal with your emotions and marital battles outside of your home and better with the appropriate specialist.
Keep Family Ties
It is very important to differentiate between your broken marriage and your kids? need for family ties. This means that although your partner and you are not together anymore, there is still no reason to break family ties and ruin family traditions. Your kids should still go to family dinners, visit grandmas and grandpas, join family celebrations. Yet, don?t forget to discuss taboo topics with adults beforehand, so that your relative don?t end up with blackening your ex in front of your children or discussing details of the divorce at the dinner table. All in all, do all possible to make your kids feel comfortable and supported even in harsh times.
Communication Above Everything
Being overoccupied with online divorce services personal financial safety, accommodation issues and so on, you usually have time only for divorce or business communication, but not for a little regular chit-chat with your kids. And this is the beginning of disaster. Lack of communication draws you apart from your kids, make them feel isolated and not cared about, which will eventually lead to terrible consequences.
So, your major task is to have free time every day to talk to your kids. They need to know what is going on in general, you need to listen to their reaction, thoughts, emotions, and simply everyday children?s problem. You need to participate in their life, to be a parent.
Be Present in Your Kids? Life
Apart from verbal communication, what else is important, is your physical presence in your kids? life. Visit extracurricular events, your children take part in, join family celebrations, take your children out for weekends. Show that you are interested, supportive and ready to be there at any significant moment of their lives.
If you are not able to be there because of some objective causes, you can still use modern tools to reach your kids. With gadgets allowing voice and video connection, you may be present at your kids? life being still physically far. But your support and attention will be highly important for your children in any form.
Don?t Try to Buy Your Kids
It often happens, that being unable to provide their children with qualitative parenting, some parents try to make amends buying expensive presents or giving more pocket money to children. The same situation is common when a parent feels guilt for a ruined family, or just tries to establish good relationships with children.
But the truth is that no extra presents and pocket money will save the situation and substitute parental care. This will only spoil your kids, teach them how to manipulate adults and make them capricious. So, never ever try to buy your kids, if you want better for them.
Keep Your Words
Children are far more vulnerable before, during and after the divorce than divorcees themselves. Your task is to be careful with words and actions not to harm and spoil your children. Be very attentive to what you say and how you say it. Avoid complaining about your partner or the divorce process, keep your words and promises, stick to your house rules, no matter what. Your word is a word of trust if you break it you are going to lose the trust of your kids eventually. This may result in problems of establishing relationships, self-isolation and behavioural problems with your children.
Realize that every your action as a parent will have either a negative or positive effect on your kids, and it is you who handles the process, so be responsible for it.
I’m a 20-something stay-at-home mother and wife. I have an amazing husband, a beautiful daughter, two loving dogs, and a lazy cat. I wouldn’t change my life for anything! I love to read, listen to music, cook and blog!
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