As a mom, you can’t help having aspirations for your child. It’s part of the job. You’d like to see him or her having a good career, a happy family life, and a secure future. But without balance, these natural goals can bring both you and your child a lot of unhappiness. It’s possible to push too hard, expect too much, and end up having a demotivating influence rather than a positive one. So, before we start investigating things like how to get into Harvard, sometimes before our children can even walk, let’s take a deep breath and consider just how we can help our kids to realize their potential.
1. Be Sure That You and Your Child Have the Same Goals
It’s all too easy to transfer what we’d have wished for ourselves but never achieved onto the shoulders of our children. Because we still regret not having gone to a certain school or having reached a certain pinnacle of achievement, we may think that we really are helping to achieve something they’ll love and be proud of. But that’s not necessarily the case. Being overly ambitious can cause kids to experience anxiety and even depression.
We should certainly talk to our children about careers and the working world, and we can help them to learn more in areas where they show interest and talent, but we will need to be flexible in our approach. Small kids have a fairly limited idea of what careers actually consist of, so don’t get overexcited if your daughter tells you she wants to be a doctor or your son tells you he wants to be an architect. By the time they’re teens, their horizons will have expanded, they’ll have better self-knowledge, and they might change their minds completely.
2. Support, Don’t Drive
We’d love to see our kids perform well academically and in sports, but they’re still kids. They need a balanced routine in which serious work is balanced with play and leisure. As parents, we can help them by finding ways for them to participate in activities that interest them, establishing a good daily routine, and helping them in areas where they struggle.
However, even failing is OK, and learning that you can’t win every time is part of growing up. Sometimes, our kids need someone cheering them on, sometimes they need us to be teachers and maintainers of discipline, and sometimes, they need to know that trying hard is good enough. Knowing which of these roles is needed and when is something that will take a keen observation, intuition, and a learning curve of your own.
3. Provide a Good Example
So far, we’ve mostly talked about preparing for careers and being an achiever, but you’d like your children to have a happy family life too. Maintaining a positive atmosphere in the home will do much to foster that, and your habits will be the benchmark they use when evaluating choices later on.
As an adult, I’m often amused at how my personality echoes that of my mom and my dad. Yes, we are different from one another, but a lot of my thoughts and attitudes were still shaped by their example. That included the fact that they owned up when they made mistakes, told me about the good and bad choices they made and taught me about the art of living.
Don’t Worry if Neither You nor Your Children are Perfect
Being a mom is the toughest job on earth and nobody can be perfect 24/7. By the same token, we love our kids but need to accept their imperfections too. As long as we’re not trying to squeeze our kids or ourselves into a metaphorical mold from which
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