A divorce can be challenging to go through with, no matter the cause. It can be a much more complicated process if you and your partner have children.
There may or may not be a lot of shock or surprise when you tell your family and friends your news, but it is your children’s feelings that you have to put above all others.
You can expect a rollercoaster of emotions to come from your children when you explain that you are planning to divorce. Don’t be surprised to see shock, anger and plenty of tears.
Depending on the age of your children, you will need to take plenty of time to talk through what divorce means and how it will affect their lives. It can help to break the news to your children when you don’t need to rush off anywhere or have appointments and meetings to get to.
Let your children process the news in their own time and always be open to answering their questions as clearly as you can in a way they will understand.
Never blame yourself
You will inevitably feel a whole range of emotions, from mourning your relationship, even if you haven’t been working as a team for many years, to feeling guilty for allowing it to go sour.
Divorce is an emotional process regardless of who is at fault, but don’t end up blaming yourself. It does you no good to get caught up in a cycle of self-blame. Instead, recognise that your divorce is for the best and that you are now free to give yourself and your children the happy life you all deserve.
Break the news to your children together
It will help your children better understand what is going on if you both can break the news of your divorce to your children together. Having both of you present can be reassuring to your children rather than to hear the news from one of you with the other parent absent from the conversation.
You both can be there to answer any questions in person and reassure your children that you love them and it is not their fault that you are parting ways. Going through a divorce will significantly impact your children’s lives, but you can both work together to minimise the stress and worries in their minds.
Although there may be some anger and bitterness between you and your partner, you should try to bite your tongue and never speak badly about your partner in front of your children. Remember that your children love both of you and don’t want to live in a war zone.
Divorce mediation
When starting the divorce proceedings, it can be tough to talk to your partner about the practicalities of parting ways, especially when you have children to consider.
Communications can break down quickly at the start of a divorce. Emotions and feelings can be very raw, so it can help to bring in some professional help in the form of a family lawyer to help with divorce mediation.
Mediation may make your divorce quicker and a lot less painful than trying to do it by yourself. A professional mediator will help you and your partner agree on a way forward without letting emotions get in the way.
Divorce mediators work with couples to help secure arrangements for the divorce and plan for what happens once the divorce has taken place. It can help with child maintenance, child access, living arrangements, finances and property without the need to go to court, giving you and your family a smoother separation.
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