How To Divorce Without Harming Your Children

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Divorce is difficult for parents and children alike. Nobody would want a broken marriage or a broken family. It’s usually the last resort as most parents try their hardest to keep their marriage intact and family complete. 

There are situations, however, that seem to be exceptions. This is true, in particular, when the marriage or partnership has turned sour and violent. Your closest friends, valued family members, and top legal divorce attorneys might advise you that separation or divorce is the only answer. 

Although the changes might be manageable for the grown-ups involved, that might not be the case when it comes to the children.  

Why Do Children Get Negatively Affected By A Divorce?

Divorce is a painful process, specifically for young kids. As the adults in this situation, it’s your responsibility to make the situation more manageable for them. To increase the likelihood that your efforts won’t go to waste, it’s important to understand what makes it hard for them in the first place.  

Many experts point out two main reasons why children get harmed throughout the divorce process. The reasons point to fewer resources and the way children perceive divorce differently from their parents. 

After a divorce, parents would usually start living separately. The parent who’s left to care for the children usually needs to work more, while, at the same time managing all the household responsibilities that come with rearing them. On the other hand, the displaced parent would have limited chances of spending time with their children. These are the situations that fewer resources are pointing to—income, time, and support—from both parents. 

Secondly, children, particularly the younger ones, don’t have an understanding of the real reason why divorce happens. They’re used to seeing mom and dad being all sweet and loving to one another, only to get surprised that they’ll be divorcing afterward. Additionally, some kids also get confused to see their parents become good friends after a divorce. 

Confused child with cutting paper parents, family problems, divorce, custody battle, suffer concept

What Can Parents Do To Help Children Deal With Divorce 

Now that you know why children get hurt by divorce, appropriate solutions or measures must be taken to help them deal with it. The tips below are anchored to the roots of the negative emotions they get from the divorce. You can also read this article to learn more about the Psychological Effect of Divorce on Children.

1. Communicate The News To The Children In An Appropriate Manner 

As mentioned, children view divorce differently from their parents. To ensure that they have a better understanding of why mom and dad need to separate, the discussion of the divorce must happen in the most compassionate and appropriate manner. 

This means that parents should plan it well. This could start from considering the timeline of when to inform their kids about the impending divorce. It’s a good practice not to tell the kids too early because it might give them hope that things will be all right soon. It’s also not appropriate to inform them too late that they won’t be able to process what’s about to happen.

It’s also crucial to never blame the other parent for the divorce and to only give the necessary information appropriate for their age. 

2. Do Your Best To Show That You’re Coping With The Changes 

To address your children’s feeling that something is lacking, you need to show that both you and your former spouse are still in control of the situation. Try to keep the routine, whether it means sending them to or picking them up from school, or going with them to their music lessons. It’ll also help if both of you would truly make time to show up when you made such a commitment to your children. 

It’s also important to know that at this time of trying to raise your children separately, pressure can be an enemy. Make sure to take time for self-care, too. 

family problem, divorce and people concept – unhappy father, mother and sad little daughter at home

Parenting Amidst Divorce 

Divorce is never ideal for any family, especially when children are involved. However, as grown-ups, you can minimize its negative effects through open communication with them. You can also help them deal with it by doing your best to cope with the changes. Remember that the love between two adults might change, but the love that you have for your children should remain the same.

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