Postpartum Depression is a topic that is being discussed these days, and more people are becoming aware of how to care for new mothers. However, fatigue and depression are not something that is only limited to women new to motherhood. In fact, new moms are just the beginning phase of the commitment to the lifetime job of being a mother.
Going through desolation, fatigue, and a constant sense of being tired is common amongst all mothers. But is this feeling the same as being just tired? This phenomenon is commonly referred to as “motherhood burnout” or “Mom Burnout.”
But how do you tackle this burnout? No, how do you even know, as a new mom, that you are going through it? Well, keep reading this article to learn about common signs of mom burnout and ways to recover!
What Is Mom Burnout?
Now, the biggest question that comes with understanding Mom Burnout is why it is a separate category from normal fatigue, or simply being tired?
Mom Burnout means the accumulated emotional, mental, and physical fatigue that results from providing care for an extended period without allowing oneself time to heal and/or without assistance from others. For someone with burnout, just being exhausted (no longer able to sleep) doesn’t mean they can’t take a break or go on holiday to recuperate. However, being a mother is a full-time job that a woman can not just quit on a whim (or as society imposes on them)
Some psychological factors are associated with burnout, including:
- Emotionally taxing jobs
- Pressured views about self
- Chronic stressors that are never resolved.
Because of the three factors above, anyone who has experienced burnout often does not know what it is. Sometimes it seems like a simple way to continue functioning; therefore, it does not always seem like “burnout.” Most mothers who suffer from burnout often just appear to be functioning day to day without deriving any sense of happiness or fulfilment.
What Is The Psychology Behind Mom Burnout?
As discussed in the previous section, being a mother is a full-time job that runs 24/7 with no breaks, and one cannot possibly take a break from it. The society, and women under its notion, are pushed into molds where they take on an overload of work, having to maintain all the commitments they had in life before becoming a mother, as well as fitting into the new role of a mother.
However, it is important to remember that Mom Burnout is not limited to new mothers; it affects mothers in general, whether they have been a mom for years or are new to motherhood.
Moms today have many invisible jobs:
- Caregiver
- Emotional support
- Household management
- Partner
- Work/Employed
As a mother, your brain is continuously processing all aspects of this (e.g., schedules, requirements, feelings, and back-up plans). Therefore, there is never a time outside of being cognitively fatigued as a result of having to always think about all the things you have to juggle.
This can often evoke a sense of being trapped in these roles, a phenomenon known as role captivity. Many mothers deeply love their children yet feel guilt for wanting space, rest, or individuality. That internal conflict fuels burnout more than workload alone.
Why Does Mom Burnout Happen?
It is very important to remember, when learning about Mom Burnout, that it is anything but the mom’s fault. A mother feels the constant sense of dread and burnout for multitudes of reason, and almost all the time they are due to the stimulants in her surrounding environment, and not her.
1. Constant Responsibility With No True Off-Time
Unlike many other parents, the Parent does not know what specific times they should or should not be the primary caretaker for their children. Additionally, the Parent has no breaks during which they feel comfortable leaving their children in someone else’s care. The Parent is always thinking about their children, even when they are off work or at home.
2. Emotional Labor Is Unending
Being a mother requires much more than just providing physical care for children. Mothers also perform the following aspects of emotional work:
- Soothe children who are throwing tantrums,
- Assist in diffusing family conflicts,
- Recognize their children’s needs before they verbalize.
Being the caregiver for their children’s emotional well-being leaves mothers emotionally exhausted, a state that persists as they navigate this ever-changing dynamic.
3. Loss of Individual Identity
The only way most mothers now see themselves is as a “mother” and have no way to identify with being a woman. The lack of independent interests and goals, combined with not having time to reflect on their experiences, contributes to burnout in mothers.
4. Social Comparison and “Perfect Mom” Culture
Social Media is placing enormous pressure on mothers to achieve outcomes that are expected of “good” mothers. With the immense volume of information shared through Social Media regarding how to be a “good” mother, it is not always clear where mothers can find assistance in meeting these expectations.
4 Symptoms Of Mom Burnout
Burnout often creeps up on you and can be very difficult to detect, especially for mothers who are still able to function, do things, and care for everybody around them, yet do not feel emotionally relaxed while they do it.
Emotional Signs
Emotional exhaustion leads to a lack of emotion or a monotonous emotional state. You may feel that your emotional capacity is diminished or reduced to the barest minimum. You may find yourself becoming increasingly angry when something happens, even when that anger is excessive in relation to what occurred.
Following irritation, you may also feel shame about your emotional response. Many mothers experience feelings of guilt, shame, and the desire for solitude and personal space.
Mental Signs
When you are having a mental burnout, your brain feels overloaded, and you can no longer focus, decide, or remember. If you continue to push yourself or to work beyond what you have in your day, your brain may have reached maximum mental output at mid-morning.
Physical Signs
Chronic stress can produce tension in multiple parts of the body, many individuals achieve an exhaustion state before they reach the point of physical peak performance. Individuals who are stressed throughout the day will usually be fatigued after working 8 hours, regardless of how well they slept the night before (10 hours).
Long-term stress generally increases the likelihood of a weakened immune response and more frequent illness and infections.
Emotional Signs
Burnout often shows up in relationships with others as well. When you are burnt out, you may become emotionally distant from those people in your life who were once very close to you. This is not because you do not care about the person; rather, you may no longer feel like you have the emotional energy to give them the support they need.
Also, parents may lose patience with their children due to being burnt out; interactions that were once emotionally fulfilling may now seem impersonal or merely a matter of routine because of the way you feel.
Mom Burnout Recovery Tips That Actually Help
Recovery is more than “pushing through” and increasing productivity. Recovery is about achieving a state of balance in your nervous system, a restoration of your identity, and creating emotional safety.
1. Rest Is More Than Just Sleeping
While sleep is important when recovering from burnout, psychological rest is needed as well. When we say psychological recovery, we mean disengaging with any work that requires your decision-making or caregiving. Allow yourself to just sit and assess your emotional state and if you are actually faring well, with the way things are around you.
An example of psychological rest is taking 20 minutes of complete quiet (i.e., no phone, no devices), which will begin to reset how your body reacts to stress.
2. Decrease Invisible Labor
While the tasks we have to complete contribute to burnout, the expectations of “keeping everything in your head” also contribute.
For example, you should:
- Create a system for recording everything you do (i.e., shared lists and calendars)
- When delegating, allow others to decide what to plan – not just what to complete
- Allow someone else to own the final outcomes, even if the person does it differently than you
While giving up control can be uncomfortable, it is also empowering. The more you allow your burdens to be shared with those willing to support you, the easier it becomes to navigate new challenges.
3. Reconnect to Who You Were Before Becoming a Mom
We’re not saying you have to totally reinvent yourself right now but rather that you should take some time to identify who you were before caregiving became a major part of your life.
It’s vital that mothers stay healthy and happy throughout their caregiving period to be effective caregivers.
Think about those things that have always attracted you to things you are passionate about. Think of the activities you enjoy doing that consume your time and attention by making it seem like time has passed quickly. Remember and reflect on your character and your interests before caregiving became your life-supporting occupation.
4. Embrace Overwhelming Emotions
As a mother, it can feel like you’re running on emptiness, yet that does not change the fact at all that you love your children. You can appreciate what you have and all the good things, yet feel completely burnt out.
You can want to connect with others, and also just want to be alone. It is not wrong to have all these conflicting feelings, remember at the end of the day, you are also just human.
5. Establish Micro-Boundaries That Are Reliable
To achieve recovery from burnout, Micro-boundaries are an essential component, as they will help to avoid the uncertainty that contributes to burnout.
Establish a Daily Quiet Time: Regardless of how busy life gets, you should allow yourself 15-30 minutes each day for your own personal time without interruptions.
Weekly Personal Activity: Make it a point to set aside time at least once a week for something you want to do just for you.
Daily Off-Duty Time: Designate specific times during the day when you will turn off all work-related activities and take a few minutes to relax before continuing your day.
6. Demand The Support You Deserve
Asking for support is not accepting defeat or failure, but rather being brave for owning when you need help.
As a partner or family, there are many ways to provide support; for example:
- Reporting issues without trying to explain too much.
- Helping each other by swapping out on childcare duties.
- Providing emotional support instead of problem-solving.
When people connect with others, it helps reduce burnout, not because they are able to resolve all their problems, but because it provides a reminder of community.
When To Ask For Professional Help?
If you start to experience:
- Persistent Sadness
- Despair
- Anxiety or Panic
- Emotional Numbness
You might want to consider consulting a therapist. Basically, here, therapy isn’t meant for “diagnostic” purposes, rather, it offers relieving support and validating experiences.
There is a way back from burnout, provided you take action before it becomes chronic.
Conclusion
To recover from mom burnout, you must first realize that extremely repeated caregiving will change how you think, feel, and act. By recognising these changes, you can identify the recovery process involved in restoring your health.
No one has to be someone they do not want to be in order to feel better. Love for motherhood does NOT need to increase. Strength does NOT need to increase.
Your need is to be supported, have the safety of a secure environment, and know you are just as important as the other people you provide care for.
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