If you’re preparing for divorce, headed to court tomorrow or simply preparing for the process, there’s probably a lot going through your mind. Like any life change, getting a divorce can bring about a variety of emotions and logistical hoops to jump through. All around, there’s a lot to consider besides just signing your name on the dotted line. And, although it might be a bit of a cliche, it can truly make the process even more complex with kids involved.
If you have the time to prep and consider things from all angles, that’s wonderful. If you don’t, that’s okay, too. Either way, there are a few things you may want to look into and keep in mind as a mom getting divorced. Here are just a few of them.
- Your Kids’ Emotional Health
This is often the first thing that comes to mind when parents think about splitting. While the habit of staying together for the kids is actually quite flawed, and having two calm and loving households tends to fare better than having one where parents are fighting constantly, the process can still be rocky for many kids. Children often thrive on routine and stability, and when lots of big changes happen, it can feel overwhelming.
Check in with them, be honest with them and try to create new routines and traditions along the way so they don’t feel lost. While divorce is a big change, the process itself isn’t forever.
- There Are Alternatives to Court
Most people picture divorce in a court setting, and while that can be where a divorce ends up, it doesn’t have to. If you and your spouse have a clear vision of what you want and agree on most or all of the terms of a divorce, you might not have a need for the courtroom. Strategies like mediation and collaborative divorces can allow you to negotiate and work together amicably rather than going completely legal just yet.
- Insurance
Insurance often causes a big question in most divorces, as families tend to be on the same health, life and auto insurance when living under one roof. Whether you are the one who holds the policy or your spouse does for any given insurance the rule of thumb is that you can stay on the same policy during the divorce, but not afterwards.
Once the divorce is finalized, you’ll need to get your own policies, whether that means your spouse finds a new one or you do. If health insurance is a concern, you can use COBRA to stay on your ex’s insurance for 36 months, though it does tend to be more expensive than getting it through an employer.
- Are You Financially Prepared?
While insurance can be a part of this conversation, there are a lot of moving parts to it. If you are the one asking for the divorce, it may be smart to get some financial ducks in a row before the conversation even happens. Consider what you have saved up, what your income looks like and what your financial plan will be going forward. Think of ways to bring in extra income if you need to.
- What Does Family Time Look Like Now?
Family time will be different for everyone, both before and after getting a divorce. Whether you were the kind of unit who spent afternoons and family dinners together or you had special holiday traditions, those may be the spots where your kids and you and your ex, too feel the change the most. How you move forward as a family will depend a lot on your relationship as exes and as a unit.
While some families still choose to spend time together exes and all by scheduling specific days and designating certain holidays for it, some relationships don’t allow for that. No matter what your situation looks like going forward, setting a plan and having intentions can help you create a healthy view of family time, whether it’s you and the kids, or your ex too.
- Stop And Think About Your Feelings
While the first thought is often about your children and their emotions, sometimes you leave yourself for last. During times like a divorce, it’s more important than ever to practice self care and check in with yourself. Leaning on friends and loved ones, caring for your physical health or even joining a support group could be great for your emotional well being. Your feelings matter and it’s important not to forget that.
What to Consider When Getting Divorced
A divorce can seem like a big and scary process sometimes, while other times you just want to get it done and come out the other side. Either way, there are a few things you can consider as a parent to make the process a bit smoother and more comfortable all around. That way, you’ll be on your way to feeling free.
I’m a 20-something stay-at-home mother and wife. I have an amazing husband, a beautiful daughter, two loving dogs, and a lazy cat. I wouldn’t change my life for anything! I love to read, listen to music, cook and blog!
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