What To Do If Your Partner Rejects The Idea Of Couples Counseling?

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struggling couples

Seeking support for a struggling relationship can be an intimidating prospect. If you’re feeling hesitant about starting a therapy session, just know that other people are going through the same challenge too. There are many reasons why one partner may resist the idea of couples counselling – insecurity, fear of change, lack of trust in their partner’s commitment to making things better – but it doesn’t have to be this way. With patience and perseverance on both sides, couples therapy from  Virtuous Circle Counselling Calgary can work wonders on your relationship. So, if you’re struggling with how to convince your partner that couples counselling can improve your relationship, read on for some tips that might help.

Why You Shouldn’t Let Your Fears Get The Best Of You

Many people have difficulty with the idea of being vulnerable and reaching out for help. We may think we admit weakness or failure by asking for assistance, but this couldn’t be further from the truth!  One of the most common reasons partners don’t work on their relationship is because they feel stuck in an unhealthy pattern or cycle; maybe you’re too nice, or they’re too mean. This can happen when one partner fears rejection and pushes away any offers of support, which then causes distance between them. When we read into our partner’s stance as rejection, we are more likely to take it personally and give up.

The best way to approach your partner about coming in together is by sharing your feelings of concern for the relationship without attaching blame or judgment. Start with general terms that avoid making the other person feel threatened. Let them know that you value the time you spend together. If something needs to change, it’s better to work together towards a solution rather than going forward with any resentments or misunderstandings between you.

When we let our fears and insecurities get the best of us, we start to see things differently. This causes some people to become more passive or avoidant, while others can be aggressive or stonewalling. Often couples find themselves in this type of dynamic where one person wants more talking and processing time on the other hand. Their partner prefers to flow through issues quickly.  The good news is that every relationship has these types of dynamics, so you’re not alone!

Plan To Attend The Therapy Sessions Together

When your spouse is hesitant about couples counselling, you can play a leading role by booking your first therapy session. Their resistance may be due to their anxiety about couples counselling. One way of assisting them is by sharing learning materials on therapy, such as an E-book. Resources such as these are helpful when you want your partner to feel more comfortable with couples therapy and, ultimately, feel closer to you again.

Attending couples therapy together will allow them to see firsthand what the process is all about before they commit long term. Be aware, however, that this approach depends on how open-minded your partner is and if they are willing to suppress their ego or anger to understand couples therapy better.

Discernment Counseling

Is there any hope of salvaging a relationship when one partner refuses to make any effort on it? Unfortunately, many people won’t change until they are forced into a situation where the only alternative left is making changes. But, on the other hand, if you decide to stand up for yourself and ask for improvement, but your partner refuses to participate- what does that mean? Do we throw in the towel and move on? Or is there any hope of saving a relationship?

In situations where your spouse or significant other does not seem to have a vested interest in saving the marriage, it’s understandable that you would feel restless and uncertain. One option is discernment counselling, where your therapist will focus on you gaining a deeper understanding of yourself and your role in the relationship, what you desire out of it, and how to move forward.

Consider Attending Couples Therapy Alone

When you find yourself in a relationship that is not working, there are many ways to make improvements or changes on your own. One of these things is meeting with a therapist specializing in couple’s therapy even When your partner does not come to sessions with you. The key here is to meet with someone who understands the complexities and nuances of relationships – without forgetting that everyone has the potential of improving or disrupting the lives of those closest to them. In addition, when people work on self-regulation skills such as being mindful, taking care of themselves physically and mentally,  it encourages positive growth for their partner. So, by attending therapy, the therapist will empower you with relationship skills that you can apply when you are back home.

Saving a relationship can be difficult when one partner refuses to change. Your best bet may depend on the degree of reluctance your significant other has about couples counselling and how open-minded they are; however, there’s always another option available that will help you get closer to each other again. This option is discernment counselling, which will help you understand yourself and what you desire out of your relationship.

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